This road looks familiar, and I want to get off

Anxiety sucks.

I hate this mess with such a passion that I cannot even see straight.

Makenna has been struggling. A lot.

Over the summer she has had some moments, but they were controllable. Now she is constantly having issues every single night, and she has cried and been very stressed for 2 days at school.

It has once again moved on from little worries to irrational fears. She does not want to go to anyone's house, does not want to go to school, does not want to eat, and has completely changed before my eyes

Where is my confident, care-free girl?

Where is the girl that was a leader in her class?

Where is the talent show hula hooping queen?

She is lost...and it is killing me.

To think that this is over and to see such a "normal" kid for nearly 2 years has been just that, normal. To see her be a kid like she used to be has filled me with such happiness. Now square one has returned, and I am so angry I could spit.

Why is this a part of our life?

Why does a kid not get to be a kid when they only have a few years left to even be one?

So just pray for her.

She needs freedom from this before it robs us of who she really is.

I'm so sick of people saying it is nothing and let's just talk about it and she'll be fine while I watch my daughter wither before my eyes.

I will not lose her again to this monster.

So pray.
Thanks.

We're Goin' Back, Back, Back to School

Today is here, and after the Summer we've had, I haven't prepared myself at all.

With Makenna I constantly role played and talked to her about every aspect of Kindergarten. She knew how to speak up if she had to go to the bathroom, go ask a friend that is alone if they want to play, eat her lunch in the right order and quickly so she would finish on time...the list goes on. Poor Tracen just got a quick, "Raise your hand if you have to pee, listen to Aunt Bunny, don't call her Aunt Bunny at school, eat fast at lunch, and Mak will come get you at the end of the day. Love you, bye!" How sad is that?? I guess by the time Mailey goes we will just throw her in the door with a quick, "See ya!" Man, I hope not! :)

Makenna was excited, though she does not have any girls in her class that she knows. I just keep telling her that God knows exactly where she needs to be. Her sweet teacher lost her husband in May(she is younger than me), so I told Mak that Mrs. C might just need a Makenna in her class this year.

Tracen was just going with the flow this morning. He is my sleeper, and when we were walking to school(which is such an amazing thing to be able to do!!!!) he had already declared that he was ready to go back to bed. This will be a change for him! A wonderful God thing is the fact that a boy named Blaine is in his class. Blaine was in the class across the hall when Tracen was in 3 yr old Pre-K. His teacher always told me that though Tracen was quiet and content to play by himself, on the days the classes combined he and Blaine played and talked non-stop. This was huge for him. How cool is it that Blaine would end up in his Kinder class?? He also has two friends from last year's Pre-K in his class, and his teacher is our friends' Aunt Bunny! We are so excited about all of it!

Mailey was dead asleep when I went in, took her baby away, changed her diaper, got her dressed, stuck her in her highchair, shoved food into her mouth, put her in her stroller, rolled her all the way to and all over the inside of school, went on a long walk home, and then was plopped back into bed for a nap. She might not be as excited as the other two, huh? I'm afraid, just like my little Scott before her, that this is to be her life from now on.

Here are some pics of their first day. I really cannot believe that my little man isn't here. I'm going to be missing all his sweet hugs and legos and paintings and smiles forever. Same as my Makenna baby girl with her help and projects. Why is it so hard to be a mom sometimes, yet you would never change it for the world?

Landing

I know I won't have any time to blog for awhile...ummm, kinda like lately...so here is a quick synopsis.

We have landed.

I think.

1. Tyson got a job that he really likes for a company in the flatlands, of all places.
2. We had to leave family and friends in Hewitt, which was harder than I wanted it to be.
3. Here in the flatlands many things were brought to light about our old company, so plans for housing have had to change.
4. We have decided to never own our own business again. ever. ever. Just not for us.
5. We lived in a hotel for a week.
6. I have driven miles and miles on every street possible in our elementary school zone.
7. I have driven miles and miles on every street...oh, did I already say that?
8. We finally found a place to stay today that we are very thankful to have.
9. We have to paint and clean and be out of here and in the new place by Thursday.
10.That is all.

Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts and places to stay and laundry done and help over this crazy Summer of Suitcases. The new place will be #10. Whew.

A new journey begins.