Saturday, August 27, 2011

Never Enough

When I helped with Brie's book, I was immersed in her words for weeks. We had to edit her posts, choose which posts would fit best, edit again, dig for verses to go with the posts, and create questions for people to search their own heart and journal with. For awhile I felt as if I knew her blog word for word. After that we all had to take a mental break. Pushing through for a deadline caused us to detach a bit. We needed to grieve our friend. I have shared about the book in MOPS group, I have sold the book and advertised it, I have had many discussions with ladies impacted by Brie's words, but I still could not use the book myself. Recently the circumstances in our home with loss of savings and house and job and sanity, along with Makenna's acting out, have made me long to talk to Brie even more. Brie was Makenna's first play therapist. Brie used Makenna as her "experiment" when she was getting ready to do play therapy if needed in a working environment. Brie understood her completely. Brie understood our history with Tyson's panic and anxiety. Brie understood me. So many are so great and say they are praying and I am forever grateful. Yet no one really gets it. A very small handful know what it is like to live in the situation we did for so long. Even fewer get how it is to still never really truly know if something will happen again, or if your child will be lost to you someday because of these issues. Brie got it, all of it. Beyond that she loved me and my kids and my family. She prayed for us. She listened at 2 in the morning, just as I would listen to her. We went to the pit together, oftentimes believing we would never, ever get out. We cried and prayed and shared and laughed and encouraged and supported each other. One of our last texts were about boob sag and 3rd pregnancies and being in our 30s...her barely...and the differences it brought. We were sharing and encouraging and laughing with each other. I told Eric the other day that I longed for heaven to have texting, too. He said, "Tell me about it!" I just need her advice and counsel, though I know God is my ultimate counsel and Advisor. She was my friend here, and I've been missing her so much lately. I decided that I do have so much of her advice in emails and in her book, so I am using it for what it was designed for. Today as I was reading and journaling through a passage in the book, I started flipping and turning pages. I was searching and longing for more of her sweet words. I was looking for her in the book. I turned to the end and realized this was it. There are no other words from her. One day we will all run out of new things to read that she wrote. I believe God uses His words through her that are new every morning, and we can always be encouraged in them the rest of our days. But looking at the last page I felt such a void. This will never be enough. That is why heaven and Jesus wait for us. He knows this world will never be enough, and death makes us realize that in a new way. We keep searching and learning and growing and living here the life he has for us, and then, when we see what Brie is seeing and really live as she is now living, then it will be enough. He is enough.
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Friday, August 26, 2011

Don't get used to it

Blogging every day??

I've been on my computer working on some things for a friend every day, so I might as well blog, huh?

Here is the nap mat I made.

I would not have chosen these fabrics to make a nap mat if I had my choice, but since I already had them, there's no way I could justify buying something else. It fits her "bright" personality! It unrolls into a 50" mat with a pillow that fits inside and minky dot blanket. Minky dot fabric is not my favorite to sew! The side velcros so you can take out the foam to wash. The pillow is supposed to be the top 10 inches, stuffed with polyfil, but I had a cute little pillow insert from Makenna's old nap mat(so sad she is so old), so we designed a pillowcase for it. It is also removable to wash, which I will probably wash much more frequently than the entire thing. Beth and I were fighting with that foam! I am so super grateful for Beth's use of pattern, helpful instruction, and sewing machine. I have not had one for 2 years and I miss it so much. I am getting her name embroidered on the front, so I might add a pic when I get it back next week. If you live here, All Star Embroidery on 34th is great and way cheaper than most places.

Since this is so random, I will throw in a request. Makenna has been on an anti-depressant since the beginning of last school year for her severe anxiety and panic and behavior. In the past few months her behavior has majorly escallated, while her anxiety is doing great. We have decided to wean her from the medicine because sometimes these meds begin to have the opposite effect. Pray the weaning process goes alright. There are extreme withdrawal symptoms associated with this med. We are going crazy slow, and it will take about 2 months. She is physically so much healthier that we feel this is a good step. She has gained 11 pounds since her tonsillectomy in January. If you know her, that is simply a miracle! For perspective, starting Kinder she weighed 48 pounds. After her first round of panic, she dropped to 39 pounds. She did not catch up to her nearly 50 pounds again until she was halfway through 3rd grade. Now she weighs 61!! I am so glad and so grateful she won't be in a booster seat until 8th grade. She does still ride in the base sometimes since they moved up the weight, but she is one inch away from being tall enough to get out forever. Thanks for praying for her...and me.

After all this nothingness, I leave you with the Mess.
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Thursday, August 25, 2011

News

There are some news in our life.

Tyson switched to selling houses, not a realtor, but selling at model homes and selling custom homes.

I am keeping sweet Julianne some each week, which is really my secret way of getting to hang out with Beth.

Beth and Brett bought their dream home. (ok, so this isn't our news, but the woman hasn't blogged in over six months, and someone needs to share because it is awesome!!!)

Tyson can begin lifting and stretching exercises after his collarbone surgery, but has a right wrist tendon injury they didn't pick up on till now, so it will be a few weeks in a brace again for that hand.

Makenna has asked me to do her hair every day until today for school. fall over.

Tracen has been a sweet friend to a new little guy in his class with one leg and webbed fingers. so proud.

I've been informed that when you are ten you can do everything by yourself and be a babysitter and stay home alone and that doesn't mean make lunches or feed dogs.

Mailey sleeps in a big girl bed successfully on most nights. Some mornings I find her by my head on my pillow instead.

Mailey has been sucker(pacifier)-free for over a week! One night I could not find them, and told her I would look for them. I finally found 3 and just chunked them! She asked for them at nap and the next night, but not again until yesterday. She told me they were lost and I needed to look for them. I am so glad for that stage to be gone, but I do miss that sweet little sound and watching her sleep holding onto 2 and sucking on one. Bye-bye baby.

Scott moved home and left us in the flatlands so he could get a job. What? No jobs here?? We had NO idea!!! blah.

I hate packing lunches. Oh, wait. That is not new at all.

Our niece, Paige, is a Freshman at Tech, and we are so glad!

Aussie lost all of her outer coat of hair due to stress of puppies leaving. She looks like a skinny weird dog and we are sad. Vet is hoping it grows back for winter, but winter sounds like a cruel joke about now with the 100s never-ending, so it probably feels good with lots less hair.

I am running, still looking the same, and wondering if it is at all worth it.

Mailey is starting PDO on Thursdays, and I sewed her a napmat with Beth B using leftover fabric from her party cause I'm cheap like that.

Mailey gets into hand soap wherever I hide it and soaks her hands with it and runs like the wind. Her new thing is to say,"I got nufin' in my hands! Nufin'!!!"

Mailey will grab your face and get really close and whisper,"I love you, yes am? Say yes am. Yes am I love you." All whispers. :)

My blog has put all the sidebar on the bottom. It is new, it was not done by me, and it is making me nuts.

That is all our new news.
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Monday, August 22, 2011

First Day of School, 2011









No one looks at the same time, still!




I am really so excited to report that this morning was SUPER! Makenna was so excited, no anxiety at all, and it was a breeze. What a difference a new year and new teacher and some friends in class can make! Tracen's teacher is one of Makenna's best buddies' mom, so he was ready to go as well. A morning like this really helps their mom feel better as well. Having a first grader feels so much older than a little Kinder kid. But having a girl entering the same grade you used to teach is the hardest! I loved teaching fourth grade, and am a little jealous I'm not her teacher this year. I would love seeing her learn and grow like my fourth graders did. Yay for a great start so far!!


Mrs. Rogers and Tracen


Makenna, Mrs. Gregory, and Lynsey
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Sunday, August 21, 2011

Favorites of Summer





























































Thursday, August 4, 2011

Get it Straight





We had the urge to straighten Mailey's hair the other day. It took forever and ever. Too much work to ever really do again! It was so cute and made her look a lot like Makenna! She said, "Where my turly hairs go?" Mailey just isn't Mailey without those fro-daddies!
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