Hillsong Live - Forever Reign

We have some amazing things in the works with Brie's blog. I guess working on this project has put me in a bubble. As I read her words I forget she is not sitting behind her computer writing more. I forget I can't text her and express my frustrations at something, or ask her to pray when my kids are sick or I don't know how to handle Makenna's anxiety. I just, for a moment, forget. Then I glance at her Christmas card or get a text from Eric, her husband, or receive my daily morning email from Tom, her dad, about sweet Curran...and it all comes back. When Beth sends me a text saying to call her, my heart drops. When a car decides to swerve a little into my lane, I panic. When I just want to hear my friend's voice, I cry. When I think about how much Mali and Eleri need her, I get angry. I just can't believe she is gone. Even seeing her there, knowing that was not Brie and that she was hanging out with Jesus Himself, still does not take all the unbelievableness out of this situation. I so badly want her children to know her, remember her voice, smell her smell, feel how she held them, learn from her little life lessons, hug their mommy. I want Curran to hear her say his name. I keep hearing her say Curry in my head from one of our last phone conversations. I never want to forget it. She always said, "Melissa, it's Brie" every time she called. I would always tell her I knew it was her because my phone said her name and showed her picture, and we would laugh, but I loved hearing her say that. I just can't believe we are doing all this without her. What on earth is God thinking? He is thinking that He's got this, and that I do not have to worry one bit. He's thinking that Brie is perfect in every way, exactly how we will be one day. The rest I can find out when I get there. Not that I will care anymore when I see His face. Not at all will this matter then. But here, now, it matters, and He knows exactly how much. He has poured out his grace and peace like tidal waves over all of us. Just like He says He will do. I trust Him. I just might cry a lot and add to the waves around us. He cried when he lost his friend, too, so I know it is ok. Hearing this song makes me weep, but somehow I can always sing parts of it. One day it will be all of it again. Just don't look at me too closely during worship. Mascara will be running down, and my face will be all red and puffy, but I will be trying to sing through the tears. Missing my friend and resting in peace from the God who she is hanging out with at this very second. I could not ask for more for her than that. So listen...and cry...but sing. Jesus is still, and will always be, worth singing to.