Closer

It is close to ONE YEAR since Brie died. Sometimes it seems like an eternity without her. Others it seems like I just talked to her yesterday. All of us have been emotional and trying to prepare and figuring out events and just plain sad. How can it still be so unbelievable? I keep telling myself to take it one day at a time. On Thanksgiving we will celebrate and be thankful, on Christmas the same, but the day after will be Brie's day. I keep trying to make myself save all the feelings for that day, just to get through all the others. It is just a day. I have learned that many, many times over my life. God also has replaced many of my worst with some of my best. I do not tend to dwell on anniversaries of things, but just see them as a day. None of that makes it easy, though. It is also crazy that Brie's song, Forever Reign, keeps coming on the radio. I was safe from it listening to The Message on XM, but 2 weeks ago they decided to play it, too. I really love the song, and really love singing it. I think it is another way for God to bring comfort to us, and for us to remember. Mali's birthday is coming up. Her first one without her mom. Brie always wrote her a letter on her birthday. It makes me want to scream that Mali will only have 6. The last words of Brie's letter to Mali last year were that she was so glad she got to spend 6 years with her. That has always taken my breath away. Most of us would say we have loved these 6 years and cannot wait for more or what an amazing 6 years this has been, but saying she got to spend 6 years with her period...ugh. I cry at that gmail commercial where the dad is writing emails to his daughter as she grows to one day give them to her. I can't even think about going on the Polar Express and listening to the music and remembering Brie's last Lubbock trip. Cold days seem colder and reality seems more harsh. Glaring at times. A sweet friend Brie loved and mentored naming her baby girl in her tummy Brie. Curren nearly being one. Fall. Wind. Leaves. Coffee. Life. Brie was part of mine, and though that makes so many more things harder, I am so glad she affected all of me. I miss her and who she was to all of us.

My favorite words...

You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting