randomly on my mind

my brain has been racing lately.  not sure if it is being prego or what...though that can somehow make things bigger and stay longer, if you know what i mean. i was hoping if some of it came out in blog barf, then less would be floating around upstairs.

makenna is having lots more defiance on her new meds, and now panic is back.  not every night, but she just had a 3 day cycle, and i was completely freaked out.  just at a loss as to how to help her, and us.

tracen is having issues with things being super overwhelming to him, thus sending him collapsing in a heap on the floor.  he is the classic GT child, with a good dose of ADD in there.  his iq is way high, his ability to multi-task is low, and he is not the typical happy regardless adhd kiddo.  he ain't got no 'h' in the add.  sometimes sounds like any typical boy, and sometimes makes is really hard for him to do the things he needs to do. like morning jobs or grasping no is the final answer.  we are working on this.  i am so thankful he is sensitive, and i know it will benefit him one day. the balance is off right now though, making things tough.  i've always known that when he is only getting scolded for his inability to listen/take action/complete tasks...it is time to re-evaluate.  that is really the only thing he gets in trouble for. 

i was given so much great stuff from a friend for this baby.  i am still overwhelmed by the lack of things...basics really like towels and burp cloths and sheets and clothes...oh my word diapers.  i haven't really thought about those.  yikes.  BUT i am soooo grateful.  sara gave me maternity clothes and a jumper and play mat and nursing timer thing and a My Brest Friend hahaha and sling and mobile and sound maker and bouncy seat.  probably more i am forgetting! soooo wonderful.  she was also a great friend of brie's.  she even named her baby girl brie.  i just loved feeling that missing piece of my life through sara.  brie would always bring me tons of clothes and stuff.  we shared shoes and bathing suits and maternity clothes.  she would text me or call or facebook me all the time.  i miss her caring and selfless heart.  sara was able to be brie to me that day, and how amazing it was to see brie's prayers for us and for me still bearing fruit through another.  just so good.

i am sick of being on the computer.  every day for months i have been looking for houses and researching things.  every one has been wrong place, wrong price, or wrong timing.  or god just closing the doors....yep.  i found one that was not impressive at allllll.  it needed major updating throughout.  i didn't even look at it really for awhile.  then i kept thinking about it and we went to see it on a random open house day.  i was still not impressed, and hugely overwhelmed by all that needed to be done.  new fixtures, appliances, paint, caulking, faucets....on and on.  the biggest issue was the CAT and DOG urine seeped into the concrete slab.  oh my i was gagging and gagging in true beth juarez style.  you could not even hardly go into the south side of the house.  we stayed for an hour looking at every detail.  there are a lot of goods.  4 bedrooms, one like another master with its own bathroom, THREE full bathrooms.  bigger yard. great storage shed. concrete footing fence.  large master.  marble solid surrounds for every tub and shower instead of any prefab push in junk.  did i mention 3 bathrooms??  honestly, i have decided that is more important than a 5th bedroom.  we have one bathtub in this house we are in.  just takes forever to get kids ready for bed.  we also have 2 boys and 2 potties.  you know that they are occupied and the girls are waiting more often than not.  ha!  all of these ok things kept coming back to our minds.  it is just stressful trying to figure it all out and get offers in and calculate flooring costs and know that is only scratching the surface.  also i am prego!!! what on earth are we even thinking??  but god keeps bringing us back to this house.  we will see what works out with it. 

i also don't want to sound or be all snooty or something.  we have been taken care of so well here.  so many have no space or bathrooms or anything.  i think i struggle now even wanting to update something because it really is fine and should be fine and why do i care, etc.  i want so badly for my kids to be able to play in their yard, for my dog to not be plagued by ticks from next door, for a garage to be able to walk into, for mailey to not wake up every single night bc she is in the sunroom with no doors...but i want us to be a solid family striving together more than those things.  maybe that is why god keeps bringing this house back to us?  something we will make our own and work on together and the kids can take ownership of...i just want it all to work out the way god wants it to.

and for me not to lose my mind through it all.

:)

i know this blog is soooo boring.  it is really just my way of documenting life and events through pictures.  i could post every day about something.  but i don't.  that's ok to me.  same reason i don't scrapbook or anything like that.  too much for this life right now.  and i am not less of a mom bc of it.  so this is my place to sum it all up or stick up too many pictures with detailed captions like those written on all of our orangey faded polaroids from when we were little.  my place to look back and see how much life changes and where it takes us.  to notice that makenna is only here 7 more years.  to see tracen mature and take on things we never thought he could do.  to laugh again at a mailey antic or comment or smile.  to very soon have a picture of this precious baby wiggling around as i type. 

boring.

and amazing.