Well...today was the day for school again. I can't believe she is really in first grade! We have been talking it up at home because this year Makenna is going to a different school. It is so much closer to our house, but new is hard. She woke up with, as Junie B. Jones says, "Flutterflies in her stomach." Everything was going great, no worries, but on the way she started saying she is nervous. I know, a normal thing to say...but not so normal for us. Mak suffers from anxiety, and I don't mean the normal, kid in a new school type. She has struggled with this for a few years now, and sometimes it takes over. Take last year when a little kid threw up in her classroom a few weeks into the school year. Instead of saying, "Eww, gross!" like the other kids, Makenna decides that the germs from his throw up have travelled through the air to her, and that she will now be throwing up, if not that same day, but some day soon after. She also decides to obsessively check expiration dates on EVERY SINGLE FOOD she might eat for weeks. She also decides that if she does not eat, there will be nothing to throw up, so that stops, too. Makenna lost about 7 pounds in two weeks last year. She started school at 37 pounds and by her 6 yr. check up at the end of September, she had dropped to right at 30 pounds. It has taken many sessions with at play therapist, endless discussions, fervent prayers, and 9 months to get back where we were at this time last year. So today, as she was going into her classroom, I was mentally and spiritually fighting as she said those words, "But I'm just getting nervous." This is why it is not just normal for us. To top it off, her teacher is out for a few weeks because of surgery/illness, and someone else is starting the class. I know God has orchestrated all of this, and I am confident in Him. So why do I still worry and wonder and second-guess myself? Her last words as I was leaving were," Mom, I am sure in a few minutes I will make a new friend," as the tears poured down her sweet little face. So brave...unimaginably courageous for a girl who fights this battle over and over. But we will not let it win! I told her how she could pray right at school, and that God would give her strength all day. She asked if she could say her verses, so I hope she will. That is all I can leave her with, and it is so much more than enough to comfort and empower. She loves that song...I have no idea who sings it, that says, "You make me brave, brave..." Make her brave sweet Jesus. Pray for my girl!
